independence is really valuable to some people. maybe especially in american culture. i'm tempted to say something like "americans are the worst." hahaha.
when i was growing up, i was taught that it's important for me to be able to do things on my own. i should work towards becoming independent. i should learn to do things without having to ask someone to help me or without asking someone to do something for me. this is not a bad thing. but if i *never* can ask anyone to help me or if i insist on doing everything on my own, i think that is bad. just like someone who can never do anything without someone helping them or telling them what to do is not good either. we'd probably have something to say to both types of people.
usually i err on the side of independence, not dependence. i don't like to be dependent on people, because people fail. it can be easier to do things myself, then i can know it was done right. if i don't depend on anyone, then they can't let me down or hurt me. but today i was thinking, sometimes it's really nice when someone else helps me or does something for me. there are times that i don't know what to do. there are times when i'm so thankful that someone else offers to help me. it makes me want to help that other person more. not do things for them that they can do themselves, but have my eyes open for opportunities to help them when it would actually be useful and appreciated and needed. if i never let people help me like this, and i never look for ways to help others, i'd miss out on blessings for sure. it's a joy to serve someone when my help is actually useful. i'd miss out on that if i thought everyone should do their own stuff on their own. i'd miss out on being blessed through someone serving me when i really did need it if i always insisted on figuring out things on my own.
and if i am always an independent person, what about that in relation to Him? i think i often tell Him, maybe without realizing it, "i can do it myself. i don't need you for this part. i've done this before, so i'll just do it like last time. i want to try this one on my own because i want to figure it out by myself. let ME just DO it. You are too slow." but i should be dependent on Him. like a child.
but also, my relationship with Him does not just affect me. i can't have a relationship with Him in isolation from everyone else. we are to be a Body and depend on each other.
i'll continue this thought with a quote from a book i've been reading.
“Let me stress that this is not just a comfortable thought. It is a vital factor in the life of [His] people. We cannot get along without one another. That is why fellowship in prayer is so important … Trusting [Him] by myself may not be enough. I must trust Him with others… without the help of the Body, I cannot get through. In the sphere of service this is even more apparent. Alone I cannot serve [Him] effectively, and He will spare no pains to teach me this. He will bring things to an end, allowing doors to close and leaving me ineffectively knocking my head against a blank wall until I realize that I need the help of the Body as well as [His]. For [His life] is the life of the Body, and His gifts are given to us for work that builds up the Body. … I have become not just an individual believer in [Him] but a member of His Body. There is a vast difference between the two. When I see this, I shall at once have done with independence and seek fellowship. [His life] in me will gravitate to [His life] in others. I can no longer take an individual line. Jealousy will go. Competition will go. Private work will go. My interests, my ambitions, my preferences, all will go. It will no longer matter which of us does the work. All that will matter will be that the Body grows."
when i first read this, i didn't think it was talking about when people meet on sunday mornings at all. it's talking about so much more than that--in everyday life, throughout all of life. we need to depend on Him, and we need to depend on each other. it's kind of like i'm just starting to realize that i actually do *need* this, i cannot get along without it. i "knew" it already, but i didn't really *know* it before.
when i was growing up, i was taught that it's important for me to be able to do things on my own. i should work towards becoming independent. i should learn to do things without having to ask someone to help me or without asking someone to do something for me. this is not a bad thing. but if i *never* can ask anyone to help me or if i insist on doing everything on my own, i think that is bad. just like someone who can never do anything without someone helping them or telling them what to do is not good either. we'd probably have something to say to both types of people.
usually i err on the side of independence, not dependence. i don't like to be dependent on people, because people fail. it can be easier to do things myself, then i can know it was done right. if i don't depend on anyone, then they can't let me down or hurt me. but today i was thinking, sometimes it's really nice when someone else helps me or does something for me. there are times that i don't know what to do. there are times when i'm so thankful that someone else offers to help me. it makes me want to help that other person more. not do things for them that they can do themselves, but have my eyes open for opportunities to help them when it would actually be useful and appreciated and needed. if i never let people help me like this, and i never look for ways to help others, i'd miss out on blessings for sure. it's a joy to serve someone when my help is actually useful. i'd miss out on that if i thought everyone should do their own stuff on their own. i'd miss out on being blessed through someone serving me when i really did need it if i always insisted on figuring out things on my own.
and if i am always an independent person, what about that in relation to Him? i think i often tell Him, maybe without realizing it, "i can do it myself. i don't need you for this part. i've done this before, so i'll just do it like last time. i want to try this one on my own because i want to figure it out by myself. let ME just DO it. You are too slow." but i should be dependent on Him. like a child.
but also, my relationship with Him does not just affect me. i can't have a relationship with Him in isolation from everyone else. we are to be a Body and depend on each other.
i'll continue this thought with a quote from a book i've been reading.
“Let me stress that this is not just a comfortable thought. It is a vital factor in the life of [His] people. We cannot get along without one another. That is why fellowship in prayer is so important … Trusting [Him] by myself may not be enough. I must trust Him with others… without the help of the Body, I cannot get through. In the sphere of service this is even more apparent. Alone I cannot serve [Him] effectively, and He will spare no pains to teach me this. He will bring things to an end, allowing doors to close and leaving me ineffectively knocking my head against a blank wall until I realize that I need the help of the Body as well as [His]. For [His life] is the life of the Body, and His gifts are given to us for work that builds up the Body. … I have become not just an individual believer in [Him] but a member of His Body. There is a vast difference between the two. When I see this, I shall at once have done with independence and seek fellowship. [His life] in me will gravitate to [His life] in others. I can no longer take an individual line. Jealousy will go. Competition will go. Private work will go. My interests, my ambitions, my preferences, all will go. It will no longer matter which of us does the work. All that will matter will be that the Body grows."
when i first read this, i didn't think it was talking about when people meet on sunday mornings at all. it's talking about so much more than that--in everyday life, throughout all of life. we need to depend on Him, and we need to depend on each other. it's kind of like i'm just starting to realize that i actually do *need* this, i cannot get along without it. i "knew" it already, but i didn't really *know* it before.
Good post.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's a big part of American culture to "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps", and be a "self made man/woman". I learned independence growing up when I simply didn't need people very often. My life consisted of doing homework and having friends, and I could handle those things on my own.
Now that I'm out of college and life is so much more than those two things, I'm finding it really hard to humble myself and ask for help. Fund raising to go to Romania was really hard, and I felt really guilty about having others help me with their money. And yet, the flip side of the coin is that if the situations were reversed, I would love to support them, and I would be a little angry if they refused.
So yeah, I'm trying to be less independent too, but it's hard.
At the university I've noticed that they are teaching us to work more in groups, and help each other, instead of as in the past when the focus was on independence. Yet at the same time, they expect you to be the independent type, able to accomplish things on your own. It's like both are expected of people these days.
ReplyDeleteBut you're right, Melissa. The Body is meant to work together - many parts working together as one to accomplish the task. We're not meant to be trying to do things on our own. It is good that you wrote about this topic. It's important to learn. It has taken me a long time to learn how to ask for help. There are still some of my friends that feel that I should be more independent, but I have learned to ask for help, and many have supported me.
I think I finally figured out how to comment on here (I lost what I wrote the first time!) It's me, Mom.